I don't think people realize how difficult it is to make a first-person narrative work?When done well, you are allowed into a character's head and see the world through his eyes. He might not even be aware that you're sharing his thoughts. When done wrong, you'll have a nagging suspicion that the author is actually talking through the MC, because his thoughts ring false. When done terribly wrong, the author gives the narrative to a tough, navy dude and allows him tell you this:
"Sitting above my chin are some of my best assets; my lips are soft and plump. The color not really red-based but more like bronzed peach and the arches and curves nearly perfect. But the best part, the thing that drives people wild, is the little shadowed dip that forms just below my full bottom lip."
Creepy stalker tendencies, voyeurism, a journey into DS territory, a tough, somewhat damaged military bloke; what was not to anticipate here? Unfortunately, Routine Watch turned out to be a disappointment. Besides the writing, which is at times decent, but more often dramatic ("I can't stop the huge sigh that escapes through my parted lips, "The muscles of my ass squeezing and releasing, wanting some of that action") this story was a choppy mess.
Truth to be told, there are promising parts that hint at something better, but in the end, the author appeared to give up finding a proper way for her narrator to meet the man he wanted to meet, a dom. Maybe she didn't have a clue how to continue her MC's mission to get in touch with the man he stalked. Maybe she got bored and wanted to skip to the sex. Maybe she just ran out of time. Whatever the case, she suddenly plastered on a BDSM scene between the MC and the dom instead.
And then, of course, the MC woke up and it was all a dream!
Which, I admit, killed the tension of waiting for him and the dom to get together quite nicely.
