Is there a secret to sex that gay men know and women don't?Nah, of course there isn't. But maybe there are still people out there who appreciate being educated in safe sex, growers and show-ers and how to avoid gagging (author's advice: relax your muscles, coordinate your breathing, Mr. Stiffy is your friend :p). But then again, they probably wouldn't be the sort of people who pick up books with "sex" or "gay" in the title?
What caught my interest when browsing through this book though, was that "Gay men never swallow". They certainly do in my m/m books, so the reasons behind this bold statement made me a little curious. Turns out they don't to, according to the authors, avoid STD's and because it takes away the thrill of (I suppose I should put this in a spoiler for modesty reasons) seeing someone ejaculate. It all sounds plausible enough but...also very DOH!
Sigh..although the title is great, the book itself is rather outdated and doesn't offer any Eureka moments. I might have been the intended target audience 12 years ago, but sadly enough, not anymore. I think what it all boils down to is that men want things to get as visual as possible. Meaning that you probably won't please him by wanting to fumble around in the dark and tell yourself it's more romantic that way, while you're actually insecure about your body. Most men don't even notice the things our laser-eyes spot immediately anyway, as long as you get down and dirty and do not turn sex into a weapon to punish & reward your guy with.
That being said, I think these differences between men and women are so much fun, all these misunderstandings often hilarious. There's a lot of interesting research and books available of course, but since I just happened to stumble upon Ask Men, I thought I'd share this amusing article.
Excerpt from article:
Why do men stare?
"Men are so visual that we can get turned on by a grainy Polaroid of a woman taking her bra off. We're so visual we want to have sex with strippers whose names we don't even know (and don't even care about).
We're so visual we rent X-rated movies by the dozens and relish every graphic detail. We're so visual that we'd bed a woman with a 90 IQ who works in a slaughterhouse if she's good-looking enough.
In fact, brain imaging studies prove that men show marked increases in blood testosterone levels when exposed to sexually explicit pictures. And researchers studying male sexual fantasies find that men focus entirely on the visual aspects of sex (especially genitals).
The truth is, when a man ogles a beautiful woman he's only thinking of two things: what she looks like naked and how hot she would be in bed with him. He doesn't care who she is or where she comes from or what she had for lunch -- all he wants is to do is pin the tail on the donkey."
Why do women stare?
"To women, however, this reaction is bizarre. Why, they ask, would anyone want to have sex with someone they don't know? This is because while women may get aroused by the sight of a good-looking man, they don't necessarily want to have sex with him -- for women, there's a huge gap between sexual excitement and availability for intercourse.
Evolutionary biologists theorize that nature set up the female brain this way to ensure stopgaps on procreation -- if women were just as horny as men, humans would be breeding like fruit flies.
The female sexual response has many -- and complex -- psychological components coupled with momentary moods, the timing of the menstrual cycle, the possibility of trading sex for money or security, etc.
And while studies show that erotic visual stimuli do excite women, a woman's desire for sex depends more on psychological factors and whether or not she has an existing relationship in her life.
Female sexual fantasies focus on emotional feelings and romantic encounters (usually with a husband or current lover) rather than on graphic details or sex with strangers. A woman can get turned on -- and ready for sex -- much more easily by reading a romance novel or watching a romantic comedy than by watching a handsome man walking down the street."
